As you all probably know or may as well guess from the other posts on my blog, in the wake of Breaking Dawn, I was a tiny bit lost. Okay, very very lost. When another book release blips in and out of existence like a vampiric vision of the future, and the movie is weeks (gar!) away, what is an aimlessly surfing fangirl to do?
Along came Heroes...
To be precise, along came the HEROES SEASON PREMIERE!!! And let me tell you, I don't think I've ever been so on edge about a piece of programming in my life.
First, I turned on NBC- exactly an hour prior the premier in order to watch the annoying little red carpet dealio and the random video clips that only serve to make me more anxious than before (if that was possible).
But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but the cable was screwed up, and I could barely determine the brand of car displayed in the current commercial!
So we called Time Warner Cable (may their name be forever scorned), who politely (and with an almost indecipherable accent) informed us the problem would be fixed in two hours.
So I call people with TVs (AKA 1313 Woodworthington Place), and halfway through my investigation, the picture begins to flicker into normality. I give my half screeching half sympathetic farewell and begin to watch.
Three hours, and it barely felt like five minutes!
As this was the first time I had ever seen Heroes on cable (cowers in born-again-heroes-fan-ness) I admit I found the commercial breaks slightly unnerving. But otherwise, season three appears to pwn season 2 in ways that cannot be described in words. (to the non-believer: shunnnnnuh!) And I am deliriously happy, to say the very least. But with a new season comes that which makes fandom so very fun...
Hero we go!
In reflection of the multi-character storyline Heroes follows, my predickies will be arranged in a person to person format. Enjoy!
AKA GABRIEL GRAY
AKA GABRIEL PETRELLI
BETTER KNOWN AS: He Who Must Eat Your Brain
Or does he?
I am not quite sure what to make of Sylar anymore. I don't think he will ever pair up with anyone....ever (not that Mylar really ended up happening in the first place). But with that weird and utterly inexplicable revelation that Gabe is, in fact, a PETRELLI (yes, it must be all caps), a thousand possibilites spring to mind. For one, there are all the allusions the recently revived Nathan has made to angels. Now, before you say "Brooke, you've been watching waaaay too much Van Awesome", think about it. Thiiiink about it.
AKA THE CHEERLEADER
BETTER KNOWN AS: She Who Is Only A Brunette In The Eveeel Future
(Brunettes worldwide go: wth?)
She can't feel pain. The pain made her feel human. ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!
I would venture to say that Syler, in the process of playing his favvy game, "I Tinker wit ur Thinker", removed some little chunk or other that equates to a pain receptor. But the greatest question of all: why is this even important? Greater still: What happened to that bratty little brother with the name out of 1921?
AKA MR. DUMB AS A BOX OF ROCKS
BETTER KNOWN AS: Fly Man!
Oh, Mohinder, Mohinder, Mohinder. What a plan I have for you!
Following Mohinder's to-be-expected injection with super soldier serum and rather unexpected transformation into a wall-crawling sex maniac, he spurred the two single most disturbing events in the premier. One: Him. Maya. *dry vomit*, and Two: Something is growing out of his back. While the first is far more disgusting than the second can or ever WILL BE, the producers obviously mean for us to see numero dos as terrifying, and thus, we will proceed as such.
Many fans have noted that this follows the plotline of "The Fly", a 1986 remake, to a q. As someone who ran around the room screaming "HE'S THE BEAST! HE'S THE BEAST!" with wild fervor, I will admit- I am slightly disappointed.
But a fly? Seriously? That would suck on ice. I'm going for lizard. Him staring at his veins, the scale-like growths, light sensitivity, going to wash his face in the middle of the night for no apparent reason (yes, I am overanalyzing this- I am aware). But more than anything, the one thing that convinced me.....
MOHINDER THE LIZARD AY AY AY!
It all makes sense. I am certain. And I will not be swayed!
AKA THE DONUT-LOVIN PSYCH-DETECTIVE WITH ABANDONMENT ISSUES
Mattaroonio has been stuck in the wilds of Africa (where, shockingly, Sprint's far-reaching grasp has already taken hold in the heart of native peoples), and after being rescued by the distant relative of Isaac Mendes, sits down for a chat. Shockingly little happens. Future!Peter is oh so very mysterious in his motives.
Either way...I'm pretty sure Matt sticks to the straight n' narrow. While there were hints that he might start abusing his power, come one people- this is Matty we're talking about. The guy wouldn't hurt a fly. Unless that fly was Mohinder. Then everyone's favorite nearly-common-law slash shipping may begin to dabble in the domestic violence that neeearly happened LAST season. *dingdingding* ROUND ONE!
AKA JESSICA SANDERS
AKA TRACY STRAUSS
BETTER KNOWN AS: Who knows?
My Emma Frost ripoff detector, while a rusty and moody contraption on its best day, was going haywire all through the episode. Ice queen? The paleness? The ultra-red lipstick? DO THEY THINK WE'RE IDIOTS OR WHAT?
Actually, I really hope they know that WE know, since half the Heroes fanbase are Xmen people who need something more than a movie every three years to sate their unstoppable appetite.
Whats to predict? I'm assuming she ate Monica (yay!), promptly forgot her identity (grr.), then proceeded to run past Micah and make a Bobby-Drake-style pathway of ice to yet another politician's suite, lingerie in hand. (seriously, where does she get all this stuff? Is she a secret shopper? Seems like the type...) Regardless, the identity of Tracy Strauss really means nothing to me. A great-aunt once removed on her abusive father's side who aspired to marry the governor of New York but was disgraced when Nikki's troublesome house-elf caused a pudding to drop on Angela Petrelli's head and later died in a rock slide while running from a bear that was released by Matt Parkman and his Boy Scout buddies who forgave him for being the bastard son of Morzan and went on to steal Zar'roc in a high-stakes dragon war...
Much like Claire's inevitably brunette future, Peter is doomed to be cold, hardened to the world, and have the sickest scar in the universe. Future!Peter is no exception, and by taking history into his own hands, projected the world of our present Heroes into utter turmoil, or so Angela Petrelli is convinced. One also wonders if the guy ever rescued that irish wench he picked up in a pub off the coast, but like the recently devoured Monica and presumably turned street-urchin Micah, has been forgotten in the sands of season 2. Future!Peter is also mean and has mama problems, as per usual, but hey, what else is new? I predict he dies. Plain. And. Simple.
AKA "OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS I'M STUCK IN THE BODY OF AN OVERWEIGHT MEXICAN!"
BETTER KNOWN AS: Brooke's favorite. *contented smile*
I kept saying it. Again and again and again, I said "No, that convict really is Peter", and they said "No Brooke, he's just crazy" and I said "NO, YOU'RE JUST CRAZY!!!", and I WAS RIGHT! WOOT!!!
Either way, Peter had best not go evil whilst stuck inside ol Pedro. Nor do I allow him to get together with anyone presently on the show. None are worthy of my favvy. So there.
HIRO NAKAMURA AND ANDO *insert japanese-sounding surname*
AKA JOINED AT THE HIP
BETTER KNOWN AS: "Love Will Tear Them Apart"
Hiro is cruisin for a bruisin with this fella. First of all, I do not justify what he is doing. DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT BY ISOLATING ANDO HE IS CREATING THE FUTURE HE WISHED TO AVOID??? *pantpantpant* Either way, Hiro is saddening me. My cute little chibi guy is turning into a....well....a villian. *sobs into pillow* WHY OH WHY??? FIRST FUTURE!PETER, THEN PROBOSCIS MAN, NOW HIRO!!!
I weep for the future.
And then, the little people. HRG. Angela. Daphne Speedster, AKA Autobahn. Molly Walker. But who really cares about them? Lets go to the list of...
CHARACTERS BROOKE WOULD COMMISION SYLER TO BRAIN-DRAIN, WERE HE OPEN FOR HIRE AND A NON-FICTIONAL FIGURE
First, Elle. I. Hate. Elle. People with stupid powers who are all teary-teary because their daddies didn't love them irk me to no end. Plus, she zapped Peter. Her life was rendered null and void in my eyes at that exact moment in time.
Then, Maya. Following the logic of that feat of film and fx, "The Fly", she will become pregnant with Mohinder's crazy insect-baby, they will have a freaky birth sequence a la Breaking Dawn, and, Lord willing, Maya will finally BUG OFF. *snorkles at bad pun*
And finally, Mr. Muggles.
He means something. I know he does. You know he does. WE KNOW HE DOES.
And if Lizard!Mohinder taught us anything, its that no attention and no screen time make pet a crazy boy.
Mr. Muggles is the craziest.
Well, I'm off to do more research on the strange developments of HEROES!!! Love you Daddy- do a hula for me! Happy Birthday Mamasita- you are the Ando to my Hiro, and I promise not to hate you for killing me in the future!
JK, Mom. <3