Monday, July 21, 2008

The Twit-lite Flashlight, "A Father's Perspective"

It's a story as old as time. Girl meets vampire; Girl falls in love with vampire; Vampire gives girl the cold shoulder, (what other kind of shoulder could he give her?), Girl develops a hole in her heart that she seeks to fill with reckless living and werewolves. Is this a tired out story line or what? My issues with Twit-lite:

  1. Edward is a pedophile - Lets face the facts; we are talking about a 100 year old man having the hots for a 17 year old girl. Everything else aside, this makes this a truly horrific story in and of itself
  2. Belle has abandonment issues - Have you ever seen a kid with less involved parents than Belle? She decides to live with her Dad, (most likely to make up for 16 years of child support that he is in arrears for), and starts a life with the least amount of parental involvement that I can possibly imagine. Is Charlie also the father of Encyclopedia Brown? What else can explain how little he sees going on in his daughter's life? I think that he had better get a clue. His daughter is always black and blue, and seeks a father figure in her life, as she is never able to garner the attention of Chief Chuck. Dr. Phil could do a whole week's worth of shows starring Belle; Vampires and the girls who love them.
  3. Jacob is the nice guy finishing last - Flaky Jake is tall, dark and handsome. He is good to Belle and would do anything for her. This means that he will never win her heart. Jake is too young to understand that dumbBelle likes the bad boy, and there is nothing that he can do to change that. He will probably end up giving his life for her. She will act like she is sad, but she will be so happy that Ednerd is with her that she will forget Jake's name before his body is cold.
I will write more as time allows. Understand this... more people will flock to Forks WA in search of the meadow than ever before. The Qillayute casino will do more business and the wilderness park will get a number of new carloads in search for the giant bears/werewolves. When everyone sees that it is not nearly as rainy as the author projects, there will be a public outcry for precipitation, and the local firefighters will be paid to spray high pressure water hoses into the air to satisfy tourists in goth clothing for the next few summers. Don't say that you weren't warned.

Brooke's DAD

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